His Music is Heavenly....! His brushing took 20 years! 

Uneven Skills in Mild Autism ....................

"You stand there & guide me..." he said as he brushed his teeth.. perfectly.. like never before. For a second, I couldn't believe HE had said this! This had taken 20 years!!

Many of you see him sing... swing to the music as he sings... everything perfectly well and then some of you assume... "He is toh ekdum NORMAL... iss ko kya problem hai?"

Singing is one of his 'strengths'... something he loves, something that came in the package of autism as a 'PLUS' probably. So it was 'relatively' easy to work on his 'singing skill'.

But 'brushing teeth' was a weaker area.

From the age when parents buy those soft baby brushes, I have tried teaching him 'brushing teeth'. I even sang 'brush brush brush your teeth clean & white...' daily to make it interesting. He picked up the nursery rhyme quickly, but 'brushing teeth properly' was to take years, 20 plus years!!

Years passed by. We... his father, his granny, me... we would notice the plaque on his teeth. Talk to him again & again about it. Many times, I would help him brush. Since mornings would be a 'rush time' for schools, I tried to include 'brushing at night' in his routine, but that turned out to be a bigger battle. I gave up.

He resisted all the cleanliness routines. Starting from brushing, to washing face, washing eyes, bath, washing hands before & after meal, washing hands & legs after play, hair bath... everything he labelled a 'torture', "mumma, sataao mat." He avoids, he resists, he cries, he runs out from the bathroom, he gets upset. He lies - that he's done it.

One had to make him independent in due course of growing up. He had to brush on his own, bathe himself, take hair-bath. And one could see the ill effects.

Plaque on his teeth, dandruff in hair, pimples on the face, acne on the back.

During every school vacation, I would again take it upon myself to help him with these tasks.

Once he started speaking, he began to 'verbalise' what was bothering him about these. He never agrees to have bath in unfamiliar bathrooms. He inspects bathrooms (in hotels or any new place) ultra-carefully. Till recently, (in hotels) I would be required to stand at a feet's distance as he would anxiously bathe. In panic mode. As if something dangerous might happen any moment & he should be ready to run out instantly.

The temperature of the water always has to be perfect - as 'hot' as he wants, nothing less is ever ok. Otherwise 'No Bath'.

At relative's places, if ever, he insists on avoiding it totally, simply because he doesn't want anyone to know that he needs 'Mom' inside the bathroom.

I once asked him, what is it about bathrooms that scares you so much? His reply was - the walls are too close!

The moment when he starts the shower, he is always standing in a totally panicky state. It continues to be the same to date. And he is 20 now!

The young man who can drive a car, has no stage fright, daily looks 'totally scared' while turning on the shower!

That's just a part of the AUTISM, we experience. (Being verbal, the world hardly gets to 'see' his autism.)

A bit of shampoo lather runs down on his face and immediately he feels like puking!

Washing face in the morning after waking up is the most 'un-required' task. He firmly insists, he'll only brush, not wash his face.

How much should you bend over a wash basin has always seemed a confusing task.

How much pressure your fingers should put while applying soap and while washing it off... both still not properly acquired skills. On both occasions it's just like a feather touch. I have explained 'rubbing' several times, but it remains the same as it has been since childhood.

On occasions such as birthday parties of friends, there is over-shampooing, over-usage of soap, over-spraying of perfume as there is a sudden surge in the desire to look 'good'!

Coming back to brushing teeth. As it started looking really bad, I took him for 'teeth cleaning' at the dentist who is his dad's friend. The Dentist guided him really sweetly. But there was no change in his behaviour and in some days the plaque was back as it was.

Now I made it clear that we cannot go back to the dentist for cleaning the plaque. It is too expensive.

Plaque stayed.

Whenever pointed out, he would get upset and say - no one except you, tells me that there is plaque on my teeth.

A number of times, I explained that people will not TELL you about it. They will simply avoid talking to you.

'People avoiding talking, people not being friendly' is a big part of his life. Something that hurts him a lot.

There was only 'anger' towards me on this.

Recently as the mornings were not that busy, I offered him that I will brush your teeth daily. Let's keep it clean. And surprisingly he didn't resist!

I wanted to try the 'Do something for 21 days and then it becomes a habit' formula, hoping that it creates a need' in him to have clean teeth.

We were into it for about 15-18 days and he developed a minor mouth ulcer. That's when he wanted to do it himself as it should not hurt. But asked me to "stand there and guide".

What a happy moment that was! No resistance, but instead seeking 'guidance'!!

I hope & pray that this happens in every possible area.

.....................

(I hope that people understand that being 'verbal', and 'being high-functioning does not end someone's autism.)

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